It’s 11:35PM on the Monday BEFORE Madelyn turns 1 and here I am writing a blog post and HIGHLY motivated to do a mini series. In the midst of a chaotic week of birthday party planning, I just want to keep myself accountable to what we’re truly celebrating, and that’s ONE WHOLE YEAR OF OUR MADELYN!!
It’s so easy to get caught up in the logistics of one. Ive caught myself saying things like “it’ll be better after her birthday” but it’s truly a catch 22. I don’t want her birthday to come quickly because these are the last few days of her infant stage and my heart can’t handle how this time truly flew faster than I could have imagined.
In celebration of our Miss Madelyn (as I like to call her), I’ll be doing a mini series. 7 posts over the next 7 days, celebrating who she is and how we’ve made it through! In this series, i’d like to highlight things that were difficult in the moment, but how we’ve overcome them and how we’ve all grown together. These are moments that I want to remember and cherish.
And with all that said, let’s get started with the VERY beginning.
Our High Risk Pregnancy
I’ll go into more detail in another post, but long story short, I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and Endometriosis. Both of these conditions are highly linked with irregular menstrual cycles and infertility. I kept this in mind when we were thinking of our family *TIMELINE* but knew that at the end of the day it was up to God. And boy, was it truly up to God because in July of 2022 we were in for a surprise when I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive! Thus began our journey of knowing we were pregnant!
When we had our first appointment and ultrasound, it was surreal seeing a little heart beat and know that I was carrying life in me! At that appointment, we were told that I had a pretty large hematoma next to the baby and while I shouldn’t worry, we would definitely have to take more precautionary steps to make sure baby was safe. I’ve always taken my health news with ease, but when we found out we were pregnant, I realized my body was not my own and the news was scary. I am so thankful for our community because we told our families and close friends, and we were surrounded with so much support and prayers. With the hematoma, I had to go in for bi-weekly check ins and I couldn’t lift anything over 10lbs or do much exercise. The risk is that since baby’s placenta is not fully formed, if the hematoma bursts, it could be dangerous.
It was not the hardest first trimester, I definitely have heard of women who struggled more than me, but it was still scary! Thankfully my work supported me as I took leave (I’m a pediatric occupational therapist so let me just say that being cautionary is a bit difficult) and I was out for a month! My clients were all very understanding, my boss and co-workers were so supportive and the disability leave gave me lots of time to rest and just soak in pregnancy. I didn’t have too many difficult symptoms, I was just exhausted and I tried my best to stay calm and healthy for baby. With a hematoma, you realize so much is out of your hand, so that leaves it in God’s hand :’) There were times where I felt totally assured and there were times where I was consumed with worry and fear, but praise God because we made it through and the hematoma naturally shrunk and the placenta was healthy! I am so thankful for my OB because she never sugar coated anything but also was great about assuring me.
BUT THEN (haha)
After we made it through the first trimester, the OBGYN sent me to a high risk doctor just to make sure everything was okay since we had a hematoma. It was at that appointment we found out that baby girl had what they call a “single umbilical artery.” Essentially, a baby should have two arteries and one vein. They don’t know why, but sometimes one artery just doesn’t work to provide blood flow. The nurse and doctor there were so helpful with giving us assurance and information and the nurse kept telling us to not look up the condition on google because she didn’t want us to be scared. OF COURSE I DID THOUGH!!! How could I not?! With SUA it was said that only 1% of women have it, and while sometimes everything is perfectly normal, this condition can also be linked with more congenital abnormalities, low birth weight and just overall diminished growth. We had to decide if we wanted further testing (at the end we decided no), and I was told that I’d have to receive high risk ultrasounds every 2-4 weeks. At the end of the day, we opted to not do further testing. We knew we were going to have our baby girl no matter what, and we leaned more heavily on our doctors and prayers.
Well, as you know, Madelyn came out healthy and continues to be a healthy and active girl! Haha but during this period of high risk ultrasounds, Tim and I constantly talked about the power of prayer and how we felt so supported by our village.
I was so thankful for Tim’s insurance for covering all these ultrasounds (each one is estimated to be around $1000) but we didn’t pay a cent out of pocket. My boss and clients were always so supportive when I had to go to these appointments. Our families prayed for us, our church prayed for us, our friends prayed for us. And while each visit was a bit nerve wracking (each ultrasound is so thorough. 40 minutes of them pushing down on your stomach and all you see is red and blue lines, body parts, and silent captures and measurements. You just silently sit there in a cold room not knowing what news they would deliver next. But after each appointment, the doctor told us baby girl was growing well and sometimes they’d give us a 3D picture of her! So while these appointments were a lot physically and emotionally, I was so thankful we truly got to see baby girl grow more than you typically see during pregnancy!
This post is getting a little longer than I expected, but wow, even 1 year after Maddy was born, to think of all these things again and write it out, I am overwhelmed with so much gratitude. I am grateful that Madelyn grew so healthy inside me and was delivered earth side healthy and active. I am grateful for our village of support and love. I am grateful for Tim who went to most appointments with me but most importantly held my hand through every news (I insisted he stop coming because they became SO frequent haha). I am grateful for my body that was Maddy’s home for a short while. Considering all things, hematoma, single umbilical artery, PCOS and endometriosis, I am truly in awe of the miracle Madelyn is and so thankful that our Creator had her in his hands the whole time. I’ll end the post with this photo of me the day before I went into labor, and I want to end with saying that if you’re pregnant, or have experienced/are experiencing a high risk pregnancy, you’re not alone. Those feelings of anxiety and the feeling of being so helpless are ones that I remember and know many women feel. You got this though 🙂 It’ll be okay, maybe not in the moment, but it will be.
Thank you little Maddy for taking care of me when you were growing inside. You continue to be the little feisty girl you were even in those little 40 weeks of gestation. You truly like to keep us on our toes and we love every little moment of it.
One Response
Thanks be to God. Very moving sharing. We did not know that you have so many health challenges. So grateful that Maddy is born alright ❤️❤️❤️